I will die if light touches me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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