I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
