is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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