drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Randomize
