Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
