I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
