He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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