Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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