It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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