Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My liver just had a heart attack.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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