two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
