The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
