Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
