she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
