How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
