My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
