Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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