I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
