matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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