We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
