i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
