I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
