When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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