Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize