Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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