i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
