Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
