I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
