WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
