Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
