Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize