Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
