I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
