Taylor Swift is so right about you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
