I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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