remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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