Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex

(703): View more from Virginia

I'm on my period, period, period

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(443): View more from Maryland

Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…

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(540): View more from Virginia

Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations

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(425): View more from Washington

oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog

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(561): View more from Florida

I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.

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(646): View more from New York

Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.

(347): View more from New York

Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!

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(503): View more from Oregon

Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.

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(582): View more from

You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.

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