sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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