listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish you could order shots online.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
splinters make it hard to masturbate
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
