My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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