I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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