god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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