Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
