Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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