mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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