i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
