I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize