i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
