Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
