Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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