You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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