i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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