Got a toothbrush?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
