If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize