well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
