he puts the penis in happiness.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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