Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
