I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
