i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize