Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
