his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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