I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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